Orright, following on from my previous post, I'm gonna try and use the great turning points of redemptive history that Don Carson identified in his Christ and Culture Revisited, to do a cultural analysis of parenting. This from a childless single man. Brave? Or foolhardy? Oh well...
The ability to have children is a blessing from God, part of us ruling over the earth (Gen 1:28). Even after the fall, the children of the violent polygamist Lamech have great skill and creativity in agriculture, technology and the arts (Gen 4:20). The people of Israel were supposed to teach their children about God, and how he had redeemed them from Egypt, and brought them to be his very own people in his special place, in order to live for him and worship him (Deut 4:9-10; 6:20-25; 11:19; Psalm 34:11; 78:5-8). This is a prototype of Christian parents teaching their children the gospel. The Proverbs of Solomon come packaged as parental advice to children (Prov 1:8, 2:1, 3:1, 4:1-4; 10, 20; 5:1; 6:1; 7:1; 10:1; 15:20; 23:22; 31:1). Note the inclusion of maternal teaching in Prov 1:8; 10:1; 15:20. Prov 31:1-9 is ascribed entirely to King Lemuel's mum. Parenting includes disciplining unruly children (Prov 22:15; Heb 12:7-11). Jesus himself submitted to his Joseph and Mary (Luke 2:51). Paul addresses parents and children in his letters (Eph 6:1-4; Col 3:20-21). Addressing God as "father" shows the basic goodness of parental relationships. God's fatherhood is not exactly like human fatherhood - it's an analogy, not an identification. But, for the analogy to work, there has to be some basic goodness in human fatherhood. This shows us that parents have the right, and responsibility, to teach and form character in their children. Home is where character is forged most of all. Other institutions - school, church, other clubs & societies - certainly have a role, but their influence is less than that of the parents. Parents cannot fundamentally delegate their formative role to "professionals". Part of that character formation is restraining children from unruly behaviour, including, if absolutely necessary, coercive force. This speaks against Western ill-disciplined, self-obsessed autonomy.
However, that formation has as its goal Christian character. Parents are not to discipline their children for their own convenience, nor to be good Sri Lankans (pick a country!), nor even to be merely "good people". Their aim is that their children would love Christ because he shed his blood for them, and seek to live in a way that honours Christ above all. Jesus distanced himself from his family when they misunderstood him (Mark 3:21, 31-35), and demanded that he be a higher priority than family (Luke 14:26). This speaks against traditional cultures where family demands highest loyalty. Our children are entrusted to us, for a time, that we would, through our teaching, modelling and discipline, form Christ in them. 
If our aim is to bring our children up to be Christians more than whatever ethnicity we come from, we'll allow our children the freedom to live in a new culture, as long as they continue to e Godly. Conversely, Godly children should (eventually?) realise the difference between doing things God's way and doing it just 'coz that's what the olds taught me to do. Eg: India and Sri Lanka have a tradition of arranged marriages; here in Oz, people find their own partners. Neither is necessarily more or less Christian; both can be used in a Godly manner, or an ungodly manner. An ungodly application of arranged marriage would be the parents being more interested in a prospective partner's wealth than their Christian confession. A godly application of arranged marriage would be the parents finding a spouse for their child who loves Jesus and is temperamentally compatible with their child. I think Sri Lankan and Indian families are free to do either. I've seen both arranged and independent-choice marriages; so far, I can't tell any difference in the quality of relationships.
Um - I'm not sure how well I used Carson's categories there. Anyway - feedback, anyone...?
3 comments:
Excellently put, Kamal. My goal in raising my three boys is not to ensure quiet children or breed rich successful doctors, but to raise Godly men who will live out the gospel and carry it to their generation.
So far, I seem to have raised Superman, Batman and Green Lantern. However they focus more on rescuing people and being heroes (like rescuing mum from a messy room) than pummeling bad guys, I guess that's a good thing :)
good article dude - not sure what Carson's categories are so can't comment on whether you used them well. keep it up.
Dear Kamal, Thanks for your article, I thought it was really good.
One of the things which I think is often ignored is that to bring children up to be godly is actually teaching them to follow God as opposed to the world. Therefore we cannot hand the responsibility over to school or scouts or even church. We must teach our kids to choose to follow God's wisdom not the worlds by the way that we speak and by the way that we live.
Kids watch us as much as they listen to us, it is a tough gig being a parent and one in which we must consider the big picture. What sort of adults do I wnat my children to become? What do I need to do to make that happen?
These are difficult questions and it is hard to remember the answers when you just want them to go to bed, but even harder if we never ask ourselves the questions.
Simon Elliott.
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